SIGNS THAT YOU COULD BE DATING OR MARRIED TO A NARCISSIST:
(1) Sense of Entitlement
(2) Lack of Empathy
(3) Preoccupation with Beauty, Success, Status, Power, or Ideal Love
(4) Demonstration of Arrogant or Haughty Behaviours or Attitudes
(5) Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
(6) Belief they are special or unique and can only be understood by, or
should associate with, other special or high-status people or
(7) Need for Excessive Admiration
(8) Interpersonally exploitive behaviour
(9) Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
Even knowing the official criteria for diagnosing a narcissist does not
usually make it easier to spot a narcissist, especially if you are
romantically involved with one.
What it boils down to is selfishness at the expense of others, plus the
inability to consider other’s feelings at all. NPD (Narcissist
Personality Disorder) is not black or white, it falls on a spectrum.
The most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Disorders lists nine criteria for NDP, but it specifies that a
person only needs to meet five of them to clinically qualify as a
I often have clients that say, “Well I think he does have empathy”.
Well yes of course a person with NDP will have some empathy as the
criteria says “lack of empathy”. The criteria does not say “no
empathy”. However, if you pay attention closely to what the person you
suspect may have NPD their ability to empathize tends to relate to their
feelings not others. So yes the person with NPD can cry or be sad when
someone they love dies or gets sick. However, an example of a narcissist
lacking empathy would be, say you told the narcissist your car was
broken into the day before and a bunch of your items were stolen, the
person with NPD may pretend to care but if you watch closely they most
likely do not care because it was not their car that was broken into or
their items that were stolen. However, if the next day the person you
suspect may have NPD has their car broken into and their items stolen
they may seem enraged and very upset. So empathy is the ability to put
yourself in someone’s else shoes without ever experiencing what that
person experienced. People with NPD lack the ability to put themselves
in someone’s else shoes and actual care about another’s feelings.
Sometimes the narcissist will pretend to care because they know that is
the social acceptable thing to do, however if you listen closely to
their words versus their actions you often can see that their words are
not genuine or sincere.
Part 1 of the points to remember on how to recognize that a person may
(1) Narcissists often have this air about them that excudes confidence.
They are often very charming especially when they first meet someone.
People often get sucked into their charm and confidence and tend to like
and trust a person with NPD. In regards to a romantic relationship a
Narcissist tends to come on very strong. It may seem like a fairy tale
or too good to be true. The narcissist may have texted or call you
constantly or perhaps told you they loved you within the first month.
Something the experts refer to as “love bombing”. Or maybe they tell
you how smart you are or how compatible you are, even if you just
started seeing each other. People with NPD will try to manufacture
superficial connections early on in the relationship to hook their new
love interest. So therefore be aware if someone comes on too strong in
the beginning and you suspect they may have NPD.
(2) Often the person with NPD has a good sense of humour and/or can
often be the life of the party. These qualities are often likeable
especially in a dating relationship and will suck a person into a
intimate relationship with a narcissist.
(3) Often the person with NDP will hog the conversation and talk about
how great they are. Narcissists love you talk about their own
accomplishments and achievements. The narcissist will often exaggerate
their accomplishments and embellish their talents in stories in order to
gain admiration of others.
(4) Often the person with NDP will think they are right about everything
and it apologize. Fighting with a narcissist feels impossible. There is
no debating or compromise with a narcissist because they are always
Okay, so now you are dating a narcissist now what?
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist chances are you have
already experience quite a bit abuse. Being in a relationship with a
narcissist who is always criticizing, belittling, or gaslighting and not
committing to you is exhausting. That is why the experts recommend that
you get out of the relationship as soon as possible and do not look back
for your own sanity.
How to prepare for a break up with a narcissist.
(1) constantly remind yourself that you deserve better
(2) strengthen your relationships with your empathetic friends
(3)build a support network with family and friends who can help remind
you what is reality
(4) read up on narcissist personality disorder and educate yourself on
(5) get a counsellor yourself as soon as possible as you will need
support to help you leave the unhealthy relationship
Remember you cannot change a person with narcissist personality disorder
or make them happy by loving them enough or by changing yourself to meet
their unrealistic desires. They will never be in tune with you, or never
empathetic to your experiences, or you will always feel empty after an
interaction with them. Narcissist cannot feel fulfilled in
relationships, or in any area of their lives, because nothing is ever
special enough for them. Essentially, you will never be enough for them,
because they are never enough for themselves. The best thing you can do
is cut ties. Break up with them and offer them no second or third
chances. Often the narcissist will most likely make attempts at
contacting you and harassing you with calls and or texts once they have
processed the rejection. The experts recommend blocking the narcissist
to help you stick to your decision.
If you think you are in a relationship with a narcissist or want some
help getting out of a unhealthy relationship with a narcissist please
call Interactive Counselling at 250-859-4485 and book with Alexandria
our counsellor that specializes with victims of abuse.